Overworked. Underappreciated. So this is real life…

(A much needed, super-duper long, rant). You’ve been warned.)

Unfortunate. That’s the word that comes to mind when I think of my current job-status. Almsot six months into both an internship and a part-time job, and I’m stressed, annoyed, & just an inch away from insanity.

First, let’s start with my retail job. Currently, I’m labeled as a part-timer, working a constant 32-36 hours a week. I know what you’re thinking: Isn’t that considered full-time? Why, yes, yes it is.

After six weeks of working full-time hours, I talked to my GM about becoming full time. His response:

There’s definetly been talk of making you full time. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be able to be as an STA (sales transaction assistant/”glorified” cashier). You would have to move to the sales floor IF/WHEN a position opens up.

Oh. Okay. So rather than getting benefits: insurance, 401k, paid vacation, etc, I have to WAIT to get a full-time job, IF AND ONLY IF, a position opens up that I have to INTERVIEW for.

Which, speaking of interviews, I unfortunately did not get the supervisor position solely on my lack of experience. My creativity, education, interview, friendlyness put me at the top, but I lost to someone who had experience in the department. I suppose I can’t be too upset about it, but I am. I’m upset that I go to work every day with a smile on my face, and deal with ignorant, ungrateful pigs, some like to call “humans.” I’m upset that I go above-and-beyond for my job. I’m even more upset that I DO get noticed for it– but in the end, it’s nothing.

I’ll explain going above-and-beyond. Here’s a little backstory. At my job, we’re required to sell protection plans for eligible products. Each department as a different goal, but at the registers, the goal is a 13 percent. This basically means, you’re attaching a protection plan on 1-2 televisions, phones, mp3 players etc, that go through your checkout lane.

Now, this is very, very hard. When you’re selling a large TV to a customer, you spend at least a half an hour with them. You find out their needs, their wants, their budget.

Oh, this XBOX is for your 13 year old son? Does he like to play first person shooter games? You don’t know what that is? Hmm, have you heard of Halo or Call of Duty? Does he play games like that? Oh, he does? I will ESPECIALLY reccomend getting him a protection plan on the XBOX in case X, Y, Z.

Spending more than 20 minutes with a person means their is an opportunity to gain their trust. You can avoid seeming like a pushy-salesmen if you play the situation correctly.

Up front, you have thirty seconds to hit 3 important things, every single time.

Are you a member with us? Would you like to sign up?

We offer a protection plan on this product…

This purchase qualifies for free financing with our credit card…

You get the picture. Up front, most people are so annoyed with our bombarding questions, they swipe their card before we can even press “total”.

I digress, back to this 13 percent… the goal for the month is to get a 13 percent. Unfortunately, no STA has been able to get up that high since even before I started working. Sometimes, we have good-days where we reach a 15 or 18, but other days when you hit a 6, or a 7, it always seems to leave you at a 10 percent.

My current percentage is 11.97, with a week left for our “retail month.” So close. So painfully close. It drives me crazy that I care. That I text my supervisors to text me the numbers when I have a day-off. I shouldn’t care when I’m working part-time and it isn’t my career path.

Anyway, above and beyond. The reason that number is higher than usual is because I did an experiment after an accident.

Last Sunday, I had the worst possible hairday ever. My bangs were flopping up every which way, that it looked like a mohawk. After wetting them, hairspraying them down, and trying to straighten and blowdry them correctly, I admitted defeat and reached for a sequin headband (from a Flapper girl costume) and proceeded to wear it Indian style.

That day, my total was a 30 percent. What?

The next two days, sans-headband, I was at a 5 then 8.

So, on Wednesday, I wore the headband again, and found myself pulling a 21 percent. Okay. So Thursday, I wore a small top hat, which made customers laugh, and smile, and pulled me in with a 15 percent.

When my managers inquired about my recent fashion changes, I explained to them, and they were all so confused.

In the X amount of years I’ve been here, I’ve never seen a sales associate take so much interest in their job. Keep up the good work.

Thanks. F U, too.

So enough about my retail job that actually pays. Let’s talk about my internship.

When I first started in November, it was slightly difficult to keep up with a full-time job and creative work. Creating creative tweets 3 times a day 5 days a week, and 1 fb post 3 days a week, seemed so easy, but I literally found myself investing 2 hours a day searching for interesting content & then presenting it in a more appealing way.

Fast forward to today, and I’m being given more responsibilities: now I get to write a radio news-story every two weeks, peer-edit new content every two weeks, as well as increase followers to 1,000+ by the end of May.

So okay, it seemed bad, but do-able. Until the head-writer for the organization had her mother fall ill and is being forced to take care of her. Suddenly, her roles become mine, and guess what? I’m not getting paid for it.

I wonder if inadequet sleep and nights (including weekends) spent home to do work will be worth it in the long run. I wonder if working hard for a small organization, or for a retail business where politics clearly matter, will pay off in the long run.

I envision quitting every day. The sweet, sweet, day where my manager will say, “hey! a supervisor positioned just opened up? Want to interview? We think you’d be a great fit maybe..” and I can say, “oh, you didn’t hear? I just put in my two weeks. I’ll be creating advertisements for this company at corporate.”

Or, the alternative response:

“Oh, you didn’t hear? I just put in my two weeks. I just sold a feature movie about how awful retail is, and now I’m moving to Hollywood.”

My feared response & outcome: “Oh, yeah sure. Sounds great.” Followed by a few weeks later when they say, “Yeah, sorry. We found someone with more experience.”

It’s a hard life for a dreamer. And even harder for a hard-worker who’s just trying to get her one big break.

Seriously, I just need someone to take a chance on me. :[

So, the search continues..


Love & Best Buy

Lately, I’ve just been feeling overwhelmed & underappreciated. Retail has to be the best and worst job ever created. Seeing smiles, and hearing sincere greetings makes it worth it sometimes, but hearing people bitch and moan how they “deserve” things, just makes me want to invest in a 2×4, and smack people with it.

I’ve seriously whispered the word, “bitch,” (in my mind) several times while ringing out a customer. I’m worried one day it’ll actually come out.

Tomorrow is my interview for Best Buy, and as I’ve said before, I have mixed feelings. My personality is extremely introverted, but ever since retail, I’ve developed balls– I bet if my friends met up with my work friends, they would say, “huh? she’s loud? and talkative… we’re not talking about the same girl.”

Which, brings me to love. The best way to get over a man is to keep busy– which, is insanely true. Except those unfortunate moments where you just can’t help but think of that someone.

Unfortunately, I logged into my OKCupid a few days before Valentine’s Day. I was feeling sad and lonely, and desperately entertained the idea of having a date for the first time on Valentine’s day, and was willing to scroll through OKC to find one. Eventually, reality took over, and I knew there was no way I was going to meet someone for the first time on V-Day.

Anyway, I don’t know why I decided to go through my visitors– but I did– because, well, sidenote: there’s nothing worse than seeing a cute guy visit your profile and finding out he didn’t message you. WHAT A DISS.

So, like I said, I don’t know why on Earth I would have gone through the guys.

And there was Adam’s name… flashing like a Vegas sign. Last visit: February 12th, 2013.

Which is odd, since, oh, you know– we haven’t spoken for several months.

It immediately upset me. I wanted to text him and say, “Stop looking at my page!” until I realized… wow, well that sounds obsessive?

So I let it be… until yesterday, when he randomly ‘liked’ a profile picture on FB.

The love-gods (and work-gods) just hate me………..


I’ve officially been working with Best Buy for three months now: A few days ago, a position for supervisor opened up, and I applied.

I have mixed feelings about it: obviously, it would be a decent pay raise (about five dollars more an hour, I think), but between you and me, I don’t think I’m qualified or ready to do it. I also know another person who is applying for the position. He’s in his thirties w/ 2 children, and he’s been w/ the company for 5+ years as a phone operator. I actually feel kind of terrible applying for the same position, when I knew in advance, he’d be applying for it………. Then I found out 2 more people applied for it, so it makes me feel slightly better that I have more competition. Part of me hopes I don’t get it so I don’t have to deal with the insane amount of responsibility.

Another part of me thinks I have a good chance– and it scares me. Not because it means I’ll have more responsibility, but because I’m afraid I’ll be stuck in the retail realm, and possibly never get to work in a truly creative enviorment, like an ad agency. And it’s all just UGH.

So between working 35+ hours a week, working at my internship, and trying to make myself the ideal canidate for this position, I feel like I have no life whatsoever.




Growing up sucks.

Red-y for Change

I’m reminded this every time I set foot in California. There’s three types of people: Those who die to fit in, those who want to fit in & don’t know how, and those who simply stand out.

When I arrived at the airport, I heard one of the workers whisper to another worker that I looked “Bouji” (rich). I didn’t realize that suede, beaten-up knee high boots, jeans, and a bright purple T-SHIRT screamed bouji, but I suppose it was simply my BeBe trench coat that turned heads.

I won’t admit to any of my friends that my trip to California has been rather boring. He lives about an hour away from L.A., in a gay, older community. It’s rather unfortunate because while he’s at work today for another six-ish hours, I’m stuck in his room, in a gated community, with nothing to do but type away on my computer. Luckily, he’s given me about six or so screenplays to read, and I’m kind of geeked-out about it.

The reason for the title of my blog, and the first sentence, is basically for the networking gala I attended yesterday. I was pleased that some alumni still remembered me despite the two year gap and the new hair-do, but most of them loved the color and said they’d never seen anything like it.

It was sad to hear. I was planning on changing my hair color in just a few short weeks, but hearing this made me want to just stay a red-head. Everyone thinks that in order to make it in L.A., you have to blend in, become blonde, big-boobed, and parade around in skimpy clothing. In fact, I saw a ton of girls looking just like that– and me, in a gold-sequined, A-line, high-top dress, I just felt so confident to be there– like I didn’t need sex appeal, just my adorable personality and bright red hair to be seen.

But luckily, I feel like I have a game-plan now for L.A., and I hope the next few months go as I need them to. But if not, then… well, such is life.

Why am I so unawesomly awesome? -_-

I often forget to tell myself just how awesome I am. A well-groomed, 30-something, well-dressed guy, came into Best Buy today with what I thought was a Kindle. At Best Buy, in order to prevent theft, plastic cases or black “Spider” wraps are put on small products that retail over 80 dollars. I asked the guy if he had our preferred card, and he quickly said “no, I don’t want one. I’m running late to my meeting.” Now, he didn’t wait in line at all, it was 10 30 am, and I wasn’t about to hurry up for him. So when I scaned the product, it rang up as 40 dollars. I was insanely shocked, but my first thought was that it was a Kindle case that someone may have accidentally wrapped up. I examined the product, and moments later the customer said, “crap, I forgot my wallet. Be right back.”

I went to my General Manager to show him the product, and wouldn’t you know it, the Douchebag totally put a Kindle case sticker on the Kindle hoping I wouldn’t notice the 100 dollar difference, lol. As a result, I scored 40 “Best Buy Dollars” and tons of compliments from three of my managers. Score.

So then I tell myself, tons of people like me at work, I do a great job with everything I do, and maybe if I don’t always get ideal results, I always put in the 110 percent. So, why is it that I can’t get the ONE guy to freaking talk to me?

I’m getting sick of the ‘sup?’ and the head nod, all the while I’m melting inside, going back to toddler-speech with my heart racing a million miles a second.

A few days ago, my supervisor, Nick, sent me a friend suggestion to Facebook to add him. I was completely mortified until I saw a few minutes later that he added me! Score! I decided to let it sit for an hour before adding him– can’t be too eager, right?– until I realized it wasn’t there anymore!!!!!!!!!!

My theory is that he thought I added him as a friend, and when he went to go creep my page, he realized he added me, which is when he unadded me to avoid looking creepy? So, given that, he HAS to be interested, right? Because otherwise, why would one care what the other thinks? Maybe? So, I added him… and so far, he hasn’t liked a damn thing of mine.

Maybe I’m being impatient. Maybe I should just go with the flow. Maybe he’s seeing someone…Maybe I need to be more assertive? Maybe it’s fine the way it is.

Ugh, why is this so hard? Or am I just making it harder than it needs to be…


I solemnly swear…

I solemnly swear..

to love myself more.

to take chances whenever opportunity arrises.

to laugh at myself from time-to-time.

to make the first move (sometimes…)

to travel frequently.

to practice healthy living– helllllllo, water & excercise.

to actively search for a REAL job.

to be confident with who I am and who I’m going to become

to not be scared when I have no idea who I’m going to become.

to forgive those who have wronged me, but never forget.

to learn from my mistakes.

to fall in love.

to practice better spending– HA!

to save.

to always walk with one foot in front of the other.

And never look back– no, never look back.



I’m not a player; I just crush a lot.

I’m grateful for the “love” life I’ve been having as of late.

A few months ago, my heart was brutally murdered by my man-crush, Ricky. Shortly after that ended, I started a “relationship” with Adam, who I’ve had history with. Being with Adam made me forget about Ricky, but as soon as Adam ended things with me, I was upset that things didn’t work the second time around. That was when my friend hooked me up with David from New York. Although we never met, he texted me every day and we Skyped semi-frequently.

Things seemed to be going well with David, until I realized I was only physically attracted to him. I enjoyed getting attention from a man (because I felt like I deserved the type of attention he was giving me) but it just wasn’t from the right person.

So I suppose it didn’t bother me too much when he dropped off the face of the Earth and stopped texting me after a month of consecutive texting. One of the last things he texted me was: “I’m glad you’re here in my life even though we’re both so busy. It means a lot to me.” Cute.

Which brings me to my current love interests: David & Damian.

David and Damian both work with me at my current job. David is this super talkative, super nerdy kid who I can joke around with, and Damian is this super shy, mysterious, dickfuck who walks the aisles like he has a tampon up his ass.

Obviously, I am super attracted to the guy who looks like a douchebag.

Recently though, after much investigation, I’ve found that Damian actually isn’t an asshole, and is just a super shy guy who comes off cocky because he’s too scared to talk to anyone. Super awesome– especially since I’m too intimidate to talk to him. I literally feel the iron-winged butterflies crashing inside of me everytime he walks by. I feel like I have to gasp for air and mentally prepare my hi, otherwise I come off smiling cheesily — which I’ve already done on two seperate occasions.

Once more, Damian knows I’m into him because his cousin (whom I’m friends with) has told him. I had hoped Damian knowing may have urged him to come talk to me, but alas, all it caused was more “heys” and headnods. Not much of a step… I’m super impatient…

Then there’s David, who with the push of my supervisor, has already asked me out on a “date.” Unfortunately, David’s texting skills are absolutely terrible, and though I don’t expect my love interest to text me alll dayyy err’day, I don’t want him to get back to me 24 hours later. Our “date” is on Saturday night and as of today, Thursday night, I still have NO idea what plans are. I like my guys to take a little more initiative, but at the same time, I’m terrified and I hope it falls through because I haven’t been on a date in… well, years.

Oh, did I mention these boys are 20-21? Not only do I feel like a cougar, I feel like an unexperienced one… -_-

Rants to Riches

I always pride myself on respect. Respect me & I will respect you back.

My General Manager at my current job is a real tool. He spends his hours at work bitching at everyone beneath him. He doesn’t really care if others can hear him, either.

So, I got on his bad side yesterday. Twice. I was talking to him about his journey in advertising, and as we were talking I said, “I know.. I just really want to find a real job.”

He stared at me blankly before snapping back and yelling, “WOW! You don’t think this is a real job? And I’m the one who employed you! OMG.”

No, tool, I do not thing your slightly-above-minimum-wage job is a “real job” when I, a college graduate, am working with high school students. Maybe I should have used the term ‘career,’ but he didn’t have to get so offended…

The other time (and this was completely my fault) was when I was on my cell phone at work. He, of course, caught me the only time I was on it that day, and said, “I’m not gonna tell you again to put that thing away.”

Sidenote: that was my first offense.

‘I’m sorry, Tool.”


I didn’t realize my manager was a 5 year old.

So after much thought about my work enviorment, and how impossible it actually is to move up unless you dedicate YEARS, I’ve come to terms that I will (hopefully) be quitting by late January, if and hopefully IF my current internship gives me a real title/pay.

So, here’s hoping to better opportunities in 2013.

“So, is he not your type?”

Nothing irritates me more than when people accuse me of having a type.

There are REQUIREMENTS I have for a boyfriend/partner and they include personality traits that I NEED for the relationship to flourish. No, I will not date you if you have absolutely no DRIVE. Not going to college is one thing, and given how expensive it is and family circumstances, I could sympathize with someone for not going to school. But if you’re okay with working your dead-end job and aren’t taking appropriate steps to have a better life… deal-breaker.

Similiarily, if you’re not SMART, I won’t give you a second thought. I don’t mind talking about video games or sports, but if you tell me politics don’t matter, that I’m a grammar Nazi, and you have no passion to self-learn about ANYTHING… deal-breaker.

If you have absolutely no family values or you’re a mean person, you never stood a chance.

So, now ask me again, if I have a type.

This rant was brought by an ignorant guy, whom I guess was just looking out for his friend. He asked me to “go for it” and when I said, “I’m not into him like that,” he rudely responded: “Oh, what? He’s not your type.”

Now, let me explain the circumstances of how his friend and I met.

I was in Bebe’s changing room trying on a too-tight, gold strapless dress. My chest oozed out of the sides and top, as the rest of my body comfortably slid into it. I stepped outside of the dressing room to show my gal-pal, only to find her brother and his friend standing before me.

His eyes scanned me before he smiled and introduced himself.

Oh, you like what you see, huh? That’s all fine and dandy, I’m glad you’re attracted to me, but it’s definetly not returned. So, don’t have your friend bitch and say, “is he not your type?!” when apparently… I’m his.

Now, maybe if he actually had a personality, and didn’t try and make fun of me the entire time as a method of seeming like an attractive, Alpha-male… maybe I would have been into it. But the fact is, these are tough times. If I’m constantly seeking a better job, opportunity, experience with life, you can best believe I’m not going to settle for the first guy that goes ‘gaga, ooooh la la’ for me.

Because, I’m not into the whole ‘bad romance’ thing. 😉





Technology is Ruining My Life.

My very short rant for tonight: I deactivated my Facebook to avoid thinking of Adam. Today, I received a text message that said, “Did you delete me from Facebook?” from, oh, you guessed it– him.

It caught me completely off-gaurd, because it means he had to have gone on my page. Or maybe just noticed the lack of content that was posted from me. Whatever the reason, he felt the need to text and ask me if I deleted him, when he could have simply said, “okay, fuck her.”

Because, honestly, what response was he hoping for?

“Yes, I did. And you know why.”

Perfect response. I haven’t talked to you in a month; We were moving forward and you. just. stopped.

Not so much of a text message to say, “I can’t do this anymore.” Nothing. He just stopped talking to me.

A million thoughts were rushing through my head. Honestly, all I wanted to write back was, “who the fuck cares if I did or didn’t? We don’t communicate on it, or anywhere for that matter.”

But what did I write instead? “No, I deactivated it.” A cold response that didn’t beg for another one in return. And of course, he didn’t respond back to it.

I wanted him SO badly to say something, anything. He didn’t.

So, why open the can of worms? Why not follow up with anything at all, like, “I’m glad. I thought you were mad at me since things have been… not the same.” Or, “Are you mad at me?”

Nothing. I’m so confused. Does he want in my life, or out?

So much for a short rant. First, it was the distance. Then, it was timing. And now, maybe it’s just that we’re both too hard-headed to do any work. But honestly, it’s better this way because I’m done trying to build a mansion in the ghetto. LOL